I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
