I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
