If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
