Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
