i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
