did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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