is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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