i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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