All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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