I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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