We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
