Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
