I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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