Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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