you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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