like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
