kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
