I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
