They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
