at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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