The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
