i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
