I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I deserve this hangover.
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