So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
