Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
