Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
