I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
