I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
