I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
