so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
