he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
