I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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