Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
