fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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