You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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