I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
