True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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