I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
