your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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