I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
