think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
