I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked him into tasing himself.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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