is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
