so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
