I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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