Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
