You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
