I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Holy sore nipples Batman
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
