You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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