you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
