i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
