I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
