drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
