I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
