I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
