I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
