he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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