Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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