shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
