Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
