She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
smell my finger.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
