I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
