Im at strip club and am horny
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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