Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
