is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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