ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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