you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
