Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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