you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
