I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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