You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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