But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
