That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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