I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
