And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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