Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
