Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
